Australia may not be blessed with the most intelligent or compassionate Prime Minister, but good news has arrived at last with the unveiling of the Reverse Emigration Act – hailed as a final and enduring solution to managing the influx of political and economic refugees.
An Act based on the sound principles of public benefit and cost neutrality, torn unashamedly from the pages of history and then squished and moulded slightly into its modern day and easily applicable form.
The Act Reverse Emigration Schedule (A.R.E.S) is based on the notion that all Australians are in fact refugees, the problem occurs when early waves of arrivals assume supremacy over and above late comers to the scene; these days primarily political refugees stemming in part from this countries own perverse and backward foreign affairs policy.
The Act is also basing itself on the increasingly accepted premise that all land in Australia was either stolen or misappropriated in the first place. Need I point out to the spin doctors the international cudos that will accrue to the Lucky Country upon adoption of the plan alluded to which I will continue to expound for any doubters among you.
Great Britain and its radical free thinkers faced a similar dilemma back in the early nineteenth century…what to do with the riff raff and surplus population littering Industrialized England? How to make slavery look somehow respectable and show a decent return to shareholders was the question on every thinking mans lips? In short, how to thrive and prosper and still rule dominions in a dynamic global economy? In whatever shape or form these theories of ‘gobble-isation’ in some cases worked but eventually failed as basic truths revealedl fatal flaws in the original principles.
Looking at Australia today we observe remarkably similar challenges to those faced by our grizzly forebears. Politicians that are the hand maidens of the Banks and Corporations: and an enslaved and fearful population ready and willing to buy into well formulated and considered public propaganda. How do we (the superior classes) capitalize on this knowledge is the next question.
How do we at the one time address the influx of refugees into the country while simultaneously satisfying the need, greed and expectations of the current population? As in so many chapters of Australian history how do we make this acceptable and profitable for the corporations running the nation.
The answer as it happens is quite simple. In the terms and conditions defined in the Act of Reverse Emigration, those citizens of the Federated Union of Australia (Terror Australis) defined as riff raff, disaffected, or generally of the inferior classes will , in a repeat of earlier history (except reversed), be given their chance of escape and a new life in one of those nations hitherto trashed and rendered unlivable by the politics of interference and negligence. There is no point denying the genius or grandiose nature of this scheme in creating a humane solution and purging the continent of those subjects not worthy or wanting to inhabit these shores. A win, win and win for everyone!
Suddenly there is ample accommodation for an influx of refugees in a reshuffled and reformed nation. The refugees are totally welcome and will be given jobs immediately not just mowing lawns or driving taxis, but also should they wish take a seat in the cockpit of government perhaps at a reduced cost over the incumbent’s that struggle to achieve anything anyway.
A quick calculation also shows there to be absolutely no added cost of this policy to the government and further analysis (not public yet) projects double plus good social outcomes of immeasurable value. Repeat: NO cost AND Double Plus Good Outcomes!
What, you may well asked inspired this simple and ingenious policy? The answer is the real Founder of that Commonwealth State now known as South Australia, the personage and genius of Edward Gibbon Wakefield. He postualted this basic principles of assisted emigration, making himself and a few friends rich in the process. Whats all the more remarkable is that he penned his cunning plan while imprisoned on charges of kidnap and fraud in Newgate Gaol. A hand of applause is due for the man that transformed his sentence of incarceration into the first ‘free’ and Crown sanctioned settlement in Australia.
Taking this leaf out of the early design of South Australia and then cut and pasting out the deplorable aspects ( though equally profitable) of the penal enterprises of New South Wales, this new scheme quite naturally emerges without the need of thinking.
I certainly do not wish to elevate the hopes and expectations of the imprisoned refugees before the PM has a chance to respond to such an undertaking, but estimates suggest this policy and the associated Act could be agreed upon and enacted by christmas. That’s a great christmas gift for the PM and spells the long overdue closure of the prison centers of Christmas Island and Nauru and also diffuses any need to play funny games with our immediate neighbor Indonesia, which likewise has not the best reputation in the field of humane people management, perhaps they will applaud this scheme and help deliver safely the refugees that have been drowning tragically by the boatload.
We will see how our PM reacts, the solution is here now and its free!
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